reflections on wayfinding

I've been following the posts of someone getting treatment for mental illness after a long period of denial. He's doing well, but he still has larger life questions to address. He's felt apathetic towards a lot of things for a while, and has never been isolated socially. He's only close to people outside his immediate family. He's only had one or two interests in his life and is still trying to figure out his ongoing sense of lack of big purpose.

I happened to reflect on myself while reading that: I have my own challenges. My daily life is always thick with anxieties that just don't make sense to other people, even on the good days. I feel weak and small and shamefully misshapen, being aware of that. But in a lot of ways I have a lot of things to live for. Many of my worries are just unpleasant side effects of seeing so many possibilities--things to chase after, things to search for, fight for, train for, ponder over, and dream about. The conflict comes from worrying over too many choices.

I'm very grateful for that good part: I don't think I could ever run out of things to live for. Between 1. promise then disappointment or 2. no possibility--I'll risk the disappointment.

Dum vivimus, vivamus!