ad finitum
Feb. 14th, 2023 02:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olimayA couple of weeks ago, I was reading Ken Mogi's Ikigai and a lot of the stuff I have been thinking about just clicked. Loosening the constraints of expectations from society. The fact that cats generally only live 15-20 years. Getting older. Enjoying the process from the Joy of Doing.
I'm not ready to write what it is that I value the most in a place where basically anyone can read it (even though it's increasingly unlikely that even one person will read this) but I got to apply it today, when things were challenging from a conversation with Marlon.
I was able to think to the end of my life and understand that, no matter how pessimistic things may be right now, in terms of not getting things, not winning against challenges, I know I would be able to rest and be satisfied as long as I kept going toward creating the thing I wanted to create, no matter what happened, and as long as I made sure I was able to help people along the way.
Even if I slept on the floor for another 30 years, never had love, never actually created anything acknowledged of value, as long as I gave it my best shot (and trusting myself to recognize what that means) it was okay.
So whatever is going on right now, it's okay too. We can have setbacks. We can have detours. We can have periods where nothing seems to be working. It's going to be okay in the end, as long as I'm pointed in that direction. Even if things are cut short before I arrive.
One caveat is I know this is only a power source for myself. It's not something I can give to someone else — everyone needs to come up with their own stuff on their own terms.
But in the same way, I don't need to argue with anyone. I don't need to convince other people. It's something I know myself, and I am strictly the only one who needs to know. Everything else can speak for itself.
I'm not ready to write what it is that I value the most in a place where basically anyone can read it (even though it's increasingly unlikely that even one person will read this) but I got to apply it today, when things were challenging from a conversation with Marlon.
I was able to think to the end of my life and understand that, no matter how pessimistic things may be right now, in terms of not getting things, not winning against challenges, I know I would be able to rest and be satisfied as long as I kept going toward creating the thing I wanted to create, no matter what happened, and as long as I made sure I was able to help people along the way.
Even if I slept on the floor for another 30 years, never had love, never actually created anything acknowledged of value, as long as I gave it my best shot (and trusting myself to recognize what that means) it was okay.
So whatever is going on right now, it's okay too. We can have setbacks. We can have detours. We can have periods where nothing seems to be working. It's going to be okay in the end, as long as I'm pointed in that direction. Even if things are cut short before I arrive.
One caveat is I know this is only a power source for myself. It's not something I can give to someone else — everyone needs to come up with their own stuff on their own terms.
But in the same way, I don't need to argue with anyone. I don't need to convince other people. It's something I know myself, and I am strictly the only one who needs to know. Everything else can speak for itself.
